I'm back. It was fun. Jordyn was a good little girl this time.

I've just found out that my brother isn't able to get into the air force, so now he's going to enter the marines or the army, the two branches with the highest mortality rate. Basically, he'll finish training and then he'll be shipped right off to Afghanistan or Iraq. There is no in between.

I feel...I feel like my world's falling to pieces around me, and I'm scared to find out when I'm going to hit rock bottom. I just know that if he leaves he'll die. I'm so scared. He's decided if he can get in, which he probably can, he'll leave right now. He's not even going to bother going back to school, he's just gonna go straight to basic. That means, but the time I start school next September, he could already be in basic, and gone only months later.

I'm sure it seems silly, but I've always had this hope that my brother would be able to make it to my graduation, you know. It's a big day, and I don't want to celebrate it alone. I want him to be there. He'll miss Christmas, and my birthday, and his birthday and daddy's birthday and probably mom's too. If he leaves...I just know he won't come back. I'm so scared. God, I hate this. How I hate this.

I wish there was something I could do, but he won't listen to me or anyone else. He's too stubborn, and he needs the money. He thinks he'll make great money, which, he probably will, if he survives...which he likely won't. Not with this war going on, anyway.

well, I have to go.